Sugarcane

You were the only one that wasn't there when the someone died in the white box [[(was it white?)]] after having called out their dead spawn. This part made you [[furious]].\n\n\n

This upsets you. [[What do they know?]]\nThey surely haven't done this before.\nYou've done this before.\nThese people don't know how to act.\n

You are seated.\n\nYou can't remember what it looks like. \nBut you know you're in a church. Or something.\n\nWhen everyone is seated, the people start to speak.\nThe someone is lying down silently in a half opened box. \nYou wonder why it is open, and if the dead someone disagrees with what is being said. It's not [[fair]] that they get to say whatever they want about the someone.\n\n

[["Give (the dead person) a kiss. Here, like this"|something]]\n

You are too young. You can't afford to continue a thought loop. You probably don't even have the mental capacity to. \nYou pass out.\nDid you pass out?\n\n\nWhen you wake up, you realize you may not have been [[there]].

You never felt close to your someone, but your someone was family. You are obligated as a normal human being to feel sad when a someone in your family ceases to exist. \n\nAre [[you]] even a someone?

One of your cousins is a year younger than you.\nAnother is a month younger than you.\nBoth of them are talking about how odd and funny the someone looks, all dressed up and quiet in a small fancy box.\nTheir ignorance pokes you, but you don't start a thought loop.\nYou are just as mesmerized, albeit silently so.\n\nYour uncle notices you staring. \nEveryone always notices you staring, because that's all you do around these people; stare.\n\nHe looks to his two kids marveling at the dead person in a box and tells them [[something]].

Your someone is [[dead]].\n\n\n\n\n

[["Dale un beso. Asi, mira"|spanish2]]\n\nAnd he leaned over and kissed the someone on the forehead.\nHe missed the someone a lot already, even though he didn't like to show it. Typical.\n\nBut this was different, at least to you.\nThis was a challenge.\n\nYour cousins each tippy-toed a peck on the forehead as well. They made scrunched up faces and stuck their tongues out. Their father (your uncle) laughed lightheartedly, maybe wistfully.\n\nThen he looked at you. You knew he saw you staring.\nGo ahead, his eyes said. Do it. Your cousins looked at you and nudged you to [[go ahead]].

[["Why don't you go talk to your cousins?"|still]]

You sit still and stare at the box at the front of the room, and watch people's reactions as they walk by it. You've never seen a dead person before, but you know death.\nYour mom notices you staring and interrupts your thoughts.\n"[[Por qué no hablas con tus primos|spanish]]?" She says.\nShe means well; you tend to ignore them too much because you think you are too mature for them.\nSo you [[walk]].

[[You|selfish2]].

End.

But now you are. You are there with everyone else and even people you've never seen before and don't know. Everyone is there.\n\nYou are at a [[funeral]].

You stare at the pale wrinkly forehead, imagining yourself doing this small act over and over again.\nYour cousin remarks that the forehead tasted like fish.\n\nYou can do this.\nPlus, think of how cool it'll be when you can tell people that\n[[you've kissed a dead person before|end]].

They surely haven't done this before.\nYou've done this before.\nThese people don't know how to act.\nIs this how the other funerals went?\nWho is this person speaking[[?|2]]

They surely haven't done this before.\nYou've done this before.\nThese people don't know how to act.\nIs this how the other funerals went?\nWho is this person speaking?\nWhy is everyone crying?\nDo they not understand death? How can they be so selfish[[?|selfish]]\n

You hate everyone and you hate everything, and you might even be able to understand what hate is, even at your age. This is dangerous, and will make your life harder as you grow old and try to control it[[...|choose]]

You feel lots of strong bad feelings in you and you can't tell if you are mad or sad or maybe something more eloquent.\nYour nose gets sloshy and starts to hurt from the very very inside.\n\nDo you [[thought loop]] or do you [[release]]?

Sit quietly and hide behind your mother.\nIf people can catch your gaze, they will speak to you.\nNod your head and say thank you in the corresponding language.\nLet them wet you and pat you and tell you things you never knew.\nThey do not know any better.\nThey think you are too young, and they are sad.\n\nYou know what to do, so [[sit down]]

People are leaving. Your mother is impressed that you cried, since you told her you were feeling totally fine before the funeral started.\n\nYour cousins and one of your uncles are standing around the coffin.\n\nYou [[walk towards them|walk]]\nYou [[want to sit still and avoid people until it's time for you to leave|still]]

"I've kissed a dead person before"

You did not like the food the someone made.\n\nYou did not like to stay at the someone's house.\n\nYou did not understand what came from the someone's mouth that well.\n\nYou were young.\n\n[[and]]\n

You\nare stuck in an upsetting thought loop,\nand you don't even realize how selfish you are.\n\n\n\nEverything is turning to [[gritty]] [[black]] [[brick]].\n

You've been to these before. \nYou know [[what to do]].\n\n[[sit down]]\n

You are crying uncontrollably. What a child.\nYou don't know how to act at these kinds of things.\nYou're just like every other person here, pretending to feel sad.\n\nOr maybe you are sad.\n\nMaybe you do miss this someone. \n\nWhether you do miss this someone or not, you will in the future. Not as a person. But as the unifier.\n\nLet's move [[forward]]

You can only assume so. Of course there were other colors. But these places are so white most of the time. Might as well just say it was a [[white box|and]].

They surely haven't done this before.\nYou've done this before.\nThese people don't know how to act.\nIs this how the other funerals went[[?|1]]

The texture of brick catches onto really sweetly little and light things: spider web, dresses, lace, little people fingers,the right kind of shoes...\nYou might've seen a video somewhere online of a cat being beaten with a brick. You watched it all the way through. Or maybe that was later on[[...|choose]]

You've always clenched your jaw without realizing it when you dream or feel strongly about something.\nThis is no exception[[...|choose]]

You already know death, \nYou've seen death, \ndeath is your life,\nwhat is your mom trying to protect you from? \n\nIt doesn't matter. The fact is, you weren't [[there]].

Gnat